Before we continue, I would just like to point out that yes, 2019 ends a decade, since it’s 10 years from 2010 to 2019. Why are people fighting over this?
It’s almost the end of the decade and things are racing to get to the bottom: politicians being stupid, forests being burned down, atrocities being made against non-hetero-normative perspectives, and China straying away from Confucius’s (yes, even if the name ends in “s,” it’s still correct to add another “‘s” to create the possessive form) golden rule:
Do not do unto others what you do not want done to yourself.
Maybe China likes being occupied and having its people mistreated and violated against, I don’t know.
Despite this, I have a positive perspective for 2020. It can only go up from here. We couldn’t sink any lower, can we? I am not daring you to try, please don’t.
Let’s talk about what I’m looking forward to this coming decade.
In 2020, I want to be able to have a much more positive outlook in life. I prepared this year by cutting toxic people out of my life. It’s going to be about me, me and me.
I remember watching a Demi Lovato interview on Ellen (forgot which one), where she talked about her depression and her bulimia. One of the things that got her better was therapy, and it starts by acknowledging the fact that you need help. She also started saying “woah, this is too fast, I need to take a break”.
Sometimes, as adults, we forget that we need to take a break from everything. The world won’t stop or slow down just because you have a bad day or you’re feeling down. If the world won’t stop or slow down, YOU should.
I never got to enjoy my birthday/birth month because I was so involved in student politics, being an alumnus and a founder of a political party, and February is the election period.
This coming year, I cut all of them out of my life and asked my friends not to talk to me about it anymore. This will be the first birth month I’ve had in recent years where I will be able to enjoy it and spend it with the people important to me.
It was clear to me that I gave so much for so little, to people who do not know how to appreciate someone who’s after their well-being. It only took me just now to realize that it’s not going to be me who lost someone.
I bought a ton of stuff this year, and I couldn’t get out of the house without booking a Grab ride (or an Uber, back when the TNVS scene was actually competitive).
As a result, most of my savings and salary get depleted. People close to me who knows how much I earn ask me how am I always out of cash, and I just shrug. That’s because I do know why: I’m one expensive, high-maintenance guy.
It has actually been a while since I rode a tricycle and a jeepney. This time, I’m going to commute like a normal, stressed-out Filipino commuter. Our taxes pay for public infrastructure yet here I am enabling Grab and the monstrous, monopolistic ventures it shoves down our throats.
Oh, and also, #SaveAngkas.
This is the part where I ask for a plot twist. I’m about to be 23 years old and the best emotional connections I’ve had were pure flirting or hook-ups. To the holder of my destiny, I am ready. Probably overdue, but ya know, no pressure.
I also want to have a mindset of just not caring so much. Before, I go into heated arguments with people who talk smack about me despite not knowing much about me. Funnily enough, most of these were my college professors who couldn’t stand the fact that they were all idio— nevermind. I’ll be good.
I’ll let the hatred go and be a much more calm person. I do not need that kind of negativity in my life, nobody does.
Needless to say I’ll still fight back when provoked, as any normal person would. It’s just that I’ll try to do my best to stay out of fights.
I’ll go to a psychiatrist to get help. I’ll join a gym (probably lol). I’ll start saving money. I’ll be nicer. I’ll be better. I’ll try to do better.
For the people who stuck with me despite me being a high-maintenance, aggressive, condescending son of a gun, I promise I’ll do better. Thank you for sticking with me through all this time.
I wish you a happy new year, and a prosperous decade to come.